Keeping your Conversations on Track
Have you ever had a conversation and walked away feeling overwhelmed, stressed or anxious? And at times, you may even start to doubt your sanity? Did you imagine that bad behavior? Did it happen, or are you just being over-sensitive?
I certainly have been in that situation myself, and it got to the stage that I no longer trusted my ability to recognize the truth, left me feeling that I must have just imagined it. And many of my coaching clients have experienced this as well.
Among the thousands of people I've worked with over the past 20 years as a coach, I've seen that speaking up powerfully for oneself is one of the universal challenges human beings face today. But it's challenging for women the world over, given how our society and culture train both men and women to think and behave and shapes how we all perceive assertiveness.
Self-Awareness: Understand your Beliefs have been created from past conditioning:
Your beliefs and behaviors around personal communication have been formed by how we were treated as children. Culture and social groups also had a significant impact on our identity.
What did you observe from watching your parents as you were growing up? Did they communicate with each other with respect? Or did they have an unhealthy way to handle conflict, by putting each other down or talking over each other?
How did you try to set your boundaries as you started to seek out independence in your teenage years? All of this past conditioning will dramatically affect how you communicate today.
You may need to take some time to reflect on your past to gather more insights and then start to take some new steps to speak up more powerfully for yourself and advocate for your needs, values, and aspirations.
Have the courage to step outside of your comfort zone:
Now that you recognize some of your past conditioning around speaking up, it is time to do things differently. It takes courage to step outside of your comfort zone.
Each of us has our own “comfort zone,” which, more than an actual place, is a psychological/emotional/ behavioral construct that defines the routine of our daily life. Being in your comfort zone implies familiarity, safety, and security. It describes the patterned world of your existence, keeps you relatively comfortable and calm, and helps you stay emotionally even, free from anxiety and worry to a great degree. But are you thriving or merely surviving?
Creating a comfort zone is a healthy adaptation for much of your life. But so is stepping out of your comfort zone when it’s time to transition, grow, and transform.
What actions do you need to take so you can speak up and be listened to? How important is it for you to have that critical conversation, and how would that benefit you personally?
You have no idea what you’re made of unless and until you venture outside of your familiar world.
Understand how others respond when they are confronted:
Now that you have decided to have that conversation and completed all the preparation. How will you keep the conversation on track? You are ready to have that critical conversation and have compiled all the facts. Having the right approach and handling your emotions throughout the conversation is vital to demonstrate confidence and assertiveness.
Below are the tips from the video. Understanding the common ways that others respond when confronted will prepare you to keep the conversation on track as you guide it towards your outcome.
Video Keeping the Conversation on Track Tips
Three Ways that People Respond during those candidate conversations
There are three ways that your team members will respond, which are denial, defend or deflect. Knowing how your team member respond will help you to prepare for the conversation and keep the conversation on track
Reaching agreements whilst overcoming resistance
Use value based conversations when you are feeling like the conversation is not progressing forward. Move the conversation up to a higher purpose or vision that is aligned with your business or companies expectations of behaviors and performance